The NOT

There is a huge tidal wave heading my way, whether I am ready or not. And right now I am feeling the NOT.  I'm not ready to touch starvation.  Not ready to cradle babies on the verge of life or death.  Not ready to talk and pray with women who suffer.  Eye to eye.  I am so not ready.

It was only anxiety about leaving our kids, what to pack, writing our will that taunted my mind.  The typical American life oriented things causing some clutter.  Now, the fear of soul altering change is bulldozing that easier temptation of worry.  How will I come home and be "me" again?

That must be God's point.  I am not ready, but He is.  And I am not supposed to just come home.  I'm supposed to come home, and let His work be evidenced in me as He has already determined in His heart.  

I will never be ready to hold hands with poverty-injustice-suffering, but somehow I get to  - and with Jesus holding my other hand.  The one thing I know for sure, He is NOT going to let go.

"But she came and knelt before him, saying, “Lord, help me.”"

-Matt. 15:25